When I was nine we moved to Texas.
What I remember from that time: every girl could do a cartwheel and most wanted to be cheerleaders. I could not do a cartwheel, but I did want to be a cheerleader.
In junior high we started gym classes. Nothing in my junior high world was worse than gym. 1. I was overweight. 2. I couldn’t run, shoot baskets, serve volleyballs, hit softballs, do cartwheels, climb ropes or any of that awfulness. I did love that parachute thing we bounced a ball around on, and scooter races were always fun.
Today I went to the gym I joined before leaving on vacation. I’ve been one other time. That was to meet with the trainer last week.
The trainer told me I have a mental block where athletics is concerned. He thought it might have been because of a bad coach. But it isn’t that. I LOVED one of my junior high PE teachers. She absolutely believed in me. She believed in all of us.
I don’t really know what the problem is.
But I know the trainer is right about my mental block.
I know because I have to psych myself up to drive up the road to go, and then I have to psych myself up to get out of the car and go inside.
Today I sat in the parking lot and told myself to stop being so ridiculous.
And then I took this selfie.
I told myself one day I’d look back at the photo and laugh.
But I don’t know. I look at it now and don’t really feel very funny.
A million moons ago I started this blog because it was January, I’d started a diet and I wanted to develop my writing voice.
Going to the gym is just part of the story.
One of my students wrote an amazing column for the last paper of the year about her constant truancy. She likes school. Likes her teachers. Loves her friends. But when it comes time to get out of bed, she just can’t make herself. When I read her story, it resonated with me. Only my truancy applies to the gym. I love a great cardio workout, I enjoy classes and time on the elliptical. I haven’t eaten sugar since the end of Spring Break. It’s getting to the gym that’s the problem. I love it once I’m there, but making myself go is torture. I mess with my shoes and my audible account and check Facebook one last time and do dishes or vacuum or call my mom. Until this week I put off the gym for over six months. Then this week happened and I had two great days, one crazy day where going to the Y was out of the question, and then yesterday, the day I chose to do laundry and clean the bathroom instead of making my way to the gym (possibly an all-time low). Today, I made myself go. I opened tweet deck, checked Facebook, played Bejeweled Blitz, ran (no, not that kind of run) up to the school, played with grand doggy, watched Gossip Girl (the Darota Wedding, totally worth it), finally made myself get in the car, realized I didn’t have the book I’m listening to on my iPhone, went back inside to download Insurgent by Veronica Roth because I HAVE to listen to something if I’m on the elliptical, and FINALLY made it to the Y. It’s a miracle. I’m tired just writing about everything I did before going.
Once I was there, I loved it. I love the way my heart races and how after 40-45 minutes of cardio I feel like I can really breathe. I love the way my shirt gets sweaty and I look like an athlete even though I’m the least athletic person I know. I love the smell of the anti-bacterial spray we use to wipe down the machines and the sound of weights from the room next door. I love the Y. And still, I know tomorrow I’ll put it off, dreading the moment I make myself get in the car. It makes no sense.
Maybe if I can figure it out, I can help my truant students, too.
Don’t forget Dead Girl Walking by Elizabeth Lee, new this month. Guardian Angel training’s a tough gig. One wrong step and someone dies.
Order it here!
Posted in adviser, fitness, low carb, newspaper, teaching
Tagged adviser, Dead Girl Walking, DGW, Elizabeth Lee, fitness, newspaper, teacher, truancy, workout, YMCA