Category Archives: thoughts

Day 5243

The President suggested injecting disinfectant to stop the virus today so there’s that. 😲

I planned on sending out applications to teacher recommended students when we got back to school after spring break.

I sent out the emails today.

I hope some will accept the challenge. And it will be a challenge! But it’s an important thing for us to do. It will be different, but we will still have a year to cover.

Today is the first day in forever I didn’t spend all day on my computer or phone reaching out to my students. I let them email me and responded instead. I can’t do that often but I needed to breathe today.

And I visited my parents for the first time in six weeks. I kept my mask on the whole time and was sanitized. I couldn’t stand being so close and not seeing them. Mom hugged me and I almost started crying because I know that wasn’t safe but she needed that hug and I did too.

I don’t want this to be our new normal.

Better Today

I do not do well without real people.

Online people aren’t real people.

I’m thankful DH is home most of the time!

I miss my students. I miss my friends. I miss sting hi to the ladies in the office and leaving for school early to go Starbucks and telling the barista to have a great day and telling the kids in the hall they’re showing too much love. I miss Wednesday duty days and saying “Good morning!” As the kids walk in the building.

I miss talking kids through lessons and helping them find the a-ha! moment.

I miss the rush of getting ready in the morning and mascara.

I hope I remember this feeling. When it’s back I hope I remember when it wasn’t. I never want to take it for granted again.

Dear Future Me

You don’t handle global pandemics well.

It’s okay to eat a donut.

It’s okay to watch hours of your new favorite show Schitt’s Creek.

It’s okay to not read because your brain can’t focus.

It’s okay to cry. And by sad and mad and mopey and self-centered. It’s okay.

Don’t beat yourself up over all that. It’s okay.

The yearbook is done

And that’s a relief.

Four editors plus a staffer with a computer. Plus a staff at home, some of whom helped with names and quotes and stories.

This year was crazy before COVID.

We had about 2/3s of the book to finalize after break. We left for spring break with a detailed plan. A whole staff plan. A 20 27” Macs, multiple cameras, whole school plan.

And it was going to take all of that because we were running behind, had been all year for a number of reasons.

Ha.

Lessons learned.

We’re done now. And I’m so proud of my kids who made it happen.

I never want to do a yearbook from home in the midst of a global pandemic again.

So Here We Are

When all this started I thought okay, two weeks, no problem.

And then I thought, okay, one month, no problem.

And now I’m like HOLY CRAP, how long is this going to go on?!

I miss everything.

I’m whiney today. I’m down in the dumps and feeling defeated about my classes, everything.

This is hard. It’s awful.

I’m just so upset because it was all so preventable. And I try to make the best out of it but nope. I keep coming back to that.

Ugh. This sucks.

I miss my students. My classroom. My colleagues. Reading for fun instead of escape, watching the news without crying, planning a lesson with excitement instead of with the question of whether kids will even look at it.

This is…ugh.

A Day

Brian’s in WF working. I’m at home working. It’s weird to not be together.

My dog is here with me, also weird. She usually goes to Grandma’s with Dad. But Tanner the puppy is too frisky right now for Emmie.

Time means everything and nothing right now. Everything because the closer we get to a vaccine and successful treatment of COVID-19, the closer we are to going back to school, to work, to life outside shutdown mode.

Nothing because with everything online I find myself looking up from work hours after it started even though it feels like minutes.

It’s a weird time.

I’m staying off the news for the most part so that is helping. I don’t want to see the numbers. That’s so weird. When all this started while we were on Spring Break, I checked the numbers every morning and night. Now I avoid them. I don’t want to know. I just want to stay safe in my tiny little space.

A Quote But Not Exactly

Somewhere I read someone who said something like You’re either going to have the big government running the show or you’re going to have big business running the show. The problem with big government is it’s clunky and bureaucratic. The problem with big business is it’s driven by profit, and money doesn’t care about people one way or another.

I have searched for who said this to no avail, but GOD are we seeing the truth of this right now.

Equity firms have bought up medical practices to make big bucks off the travesty that is the US Healthcare system. This weekend doctors’ hours have been cut because those firms aren’t making bank on elective surgeries. Middle of a pandemic? Who the heck cares. It’s all about the money.

The fear of government led us to this nightmare of a President who hates government and loves money above all.

So here we are with no strong federal government response to Coronavirus. Instead states make their own rules, counties make their own rules. Some counties make rules that lead to more money…at least until the ERs and ICUs are full.

Yesterday, Georgia’s idiot governor reopened the beaches. Tybee county is going to file a lawsuit to stop the governor from making them risk their lives because idiot tourists will flock to the beaches if they’re open.

In the metroplex most of us are hunkered down, closed by county ordinances. Not all of us are though, but we’re all going to pay the price.

States fight each other and pay exorbitant prices for gloves and masks and gowns to protect healthcare workers. Big business, big money, no government oversight.

I sure hope when all this is over we’ll quit throwing away the idea a strong government that regulates big business. I hope we’ll embrace ideas like the ones FDR used to help rebuild the USA.

Something has to change and big business won’t let it if we don’t make it. Because money doesn’t care about people one way or the other.

The Good Day

My editors this year are incredible.

Here we are in the middle of a global pandemic. The end of their senior year spent in their homes for at the most part, sometimes at work. But not at school, not where they can direct the end of the production of the biggest yearbook our school has done, not where we can play and laugh and be silly and make fun of each other. Not where they can plan yearbook Olympics and theme parties. Not…And yet, they are finishing.

They are collaborating with their staff, asking for help, doing what they can do to finish this book. They’re uploading and downloading, emailing, texting, snap chatting, doing everything it takes to honor the school with their book.

We’re down to two proof parts to be done. Still a couple weeks to go but so, so close.

I finished the senior tribute for my senior staff members today and cried for a good 30 minutes.

I love these kids. It’s been an honor to serve as their adviser.

Thank you God for the good day.

I’m Tired

Today Jared Kushner took the stage in the press conference. I guess he’s leading the charge against Coronavirus now. He said the national stockpile of med supplies was Ours not the states’. I’m not sure what he means. We’re the United States. Hopefully when I look back on this post it will be with a sense of relief that these people didn’t destroy us.

I had a book party today. I wasn’t going to do it. I hate Facebook parties! But I was sitting here staying home and I thought it would be a good way to take my mind off things.

School is hard. Harder than I ever imagined. I read a post today that resonated. We’re not working from home. We’re working at home in a global crisis. That’s a good way to look at things.

I’m not watching much news. The nightly news and Brian Williams. Not all of that but BW’s voice brings me comfort. I don’t know why. Maybe because he took over for Tom Brokaw and I’ve watched NBC my entire adult life. I love Lester too. But I just can’t watch the news all the time right now. It’s too sad.

I hope I can sleep tonight. I usually don’t sleep much until I’m totally exhausted. It’s not healthy, but it’s where I am.

Prayers for my mental health and this annoying cough I can’t shake.

Prayers for my daughter and grands in Ohio.

Prayers for my mom and dad. Mom thinks she broke her hip standing up. She has osteoporosis. I told her she can’t go to a hospital right now. She already went last week so…

Prayers for my extended family.

Prayers for my sweet students as they work to finish the yearbook from home at the same time they’re facing all this.

Prayers for our nation, our state and my two hometowns: Wichita Falls and Fort Worth.

Prayers for my colleagues and my bosses. This is all so stressful.

Prayers are what we’ve got. They’re all we’ve got.

And So It Begins

Someone I know in real life lost his young daughter to COVID-19 tonight.

How many more death notices will I read with a punch to the gut?

My heart hurts for the young coach and his family. For their friends and loved ones.

That’s all I’ve got tonight. I’m sad. It should not be this way. But it is.

Praying.

gofundme set up for family expenses.