Category Archives: thoughts

Guns are the problem

I tell myself I’d throw my body in front of a killer intent on shooting my students. I tell myself that every time there’s another school shooting. That means I tell myself this at least monthly and usually more often than that.

The last month more than one student died throwing themselves in front of killers with guns. And both of them have been lauded as heroes.

They are. They are heroes. But they are victims too. And I am so sick of reading people post about their heroism while defending the unending gun culture in this country.

These young people died because we have a problem we refuse to address.

Yes, it’s evil. Evil is everywhere. But we’re the country where gun violence is the second leading cause of death for young people. We’re the country where a school shooting has to have a bigger story to even make the national news. We’re the country where states decide to arm teachers in answer to the gun epidemic instead of addressing the real gun problems. Where prosecutors press charges on bartenders who serve mass shooters instead of fighting to change the gun laws.

Yes, the students who died this month throwing themselves in front of gun wielding killers are heroes. But they’re also tragic reminders that we are perfectly fine letting our children die in schools, in movie theaters, in shopping malls, at concerts, in churches, instead of saying no more.

Guns do kill people. They’ve killed an awful lot of kids since Columbine. And we’ve done nothing to try to fix that travesty.

Think Before You Post, MB

think before you post….think before you post….think before you post….

I wrote what I thought was a funny Facebook post on Sunday. And people DID laugh. But after a couple hours of it being up on my wall and a few “that has to be the worst job ever” comments about the person in the post, I pulled it down.

The whole thing made me ashamed.

I’m so lucky I teach. I’m so lucky I can be in my car driving down the road. I’m so lucky for so many reasons.

Laughing at the guy who’s not so lucky is the worst kind of privilege.

I’m going to try to be better and think before I post.

What I’m Loving: Ranch dressing, air fried radishes, LCHF

What I’m Writing: ahahahahahahahahaha. 😩

Mr. President, please open the government

I don’t know anything about governing a nation but come on, Mr. President. Open the government.

It’s on you.

Accept the border spending, open the government then demand weekly dinner parties with Democrat and Republican senators where you preside and make the case for your wall. Negotiate the right way.

With the government open.

With people getting paid.

With furloughed workers going back to work and keeping us safe, keeping the government doing what the government does. Running federal prisons, working TSA, working as air traffic controllers, patrolling our oceans and beaches and borders.

You can’t wait on Mitch McConnell anymore. He’s proven he WON’T bring a bill to a vote even though it would pass.

I’m not sure what your friends told you was going to happen. They were wrong! People are hurting. 800,000 people. And it’s going to be more soon.

So please, Mr. President. Open the government. You can do it tonight while you’re watching Tucker. Make the call that puts the whole thing in motion. Save us from this insanity before things get worse.

Sincerely,

Mary Beth Lee

Calm

School, bills, the apartment, health, Facebook, twitter, political podcasts, the car, dang deers!, DH, his health, the sheets don’t fit right, dishes, no bowls, Mom’s what?!, The Young and the Restless, deadline, that makeup does not match, where are my shoes?

The first time I used the Calm app it was kind of like that.

I didn’t breathe deep enough and focus? What’s that?

It took ONE day for me to fall in love with Calm.

By the end of week one I had a routine. Wake up, make coffee, Calm.

21 days in, today, I woke up, turned on Calm, and it didn’t work.

I panicked for a minute.

I was able to meditate for five minutes, but it wasn’t the same. I missed the lesson, the coaching.

And I was a grumpy bump the whole way to school. Bad drivers, bad roads, lights. Ugh!

So when I got to school, I tried again.

It worked! Whew!

It’s such a little thing, but that 10 minutes of silent reflection and soothing life lesson is incredible.

I love Calm. I really do.

What I’m Loving: the Calm app, DoTERRA On Guard, school holiday anticipation

What I’m Writing: So Much For Happily Ever After.

I Want Him to Stay

I want him to stay.

But I know he can’t.

I don’t even know why it’s a big deal.

I’m working all day. Then it’s group on Tuesday.

I go home and write. Sometimes. If he’s not there.

If he’s here, I go home and talk and laugh and watch TV and gripe and complain about who does the dishes and we debate my Young and the Restless obsession and why I should watch something different and…all the little things in life. And then I write. Sometimes.

And I lay in bed next to him listening to him breathing, inhaling his scent, luxuriating in his nearness. If he’s here.

And when he’s not I sprawl out over the entire surface and pull his pillows to me and wish the neighbors would stop talking even though it’s not that bad with ocean waves playing.

People do this. They live in separate spaces, far more than we have. I feel almost guilty for what I wish, what I want.

We’re almost there where he’ll be here all the time. We’re almost there.

Escapism

Back in the day I’d log on to my blog and write about all the things. Writing, family, diet struggles, books I loved, God, TV, tales from the classroom and the politics of education. Every little thing.

The blog was my way to share little bits of life with friends.

Back in the day before Facebook and twitter and the constant bombardment of my News App.

I love the ease of the blog, the breathing space of the blog, the focus of the blog.

When I’m here I don’t worry about notifications or nuclear war. I just write. I just share.

Sometimes I write to make readers laugh. Other times I share to get through a moment. Often I post to ask advice.

I like that about the blog.

It’s my little place in the vast space of online infinity.

👩‍💻

What I’m Loving: The Daily Calm, Dumplin‘, coffee, my giant down comforter, my Dallas Stars gloves, Cali’flour pizza crust

What I’m Writing: blog posts and So Much For Happily Ever After.

Oh Hey Neighbors

It started right away. It’s been a year and the “new” neighbors still insist on late nights and loud voices.

I’ve said “hey neighbor” and “hello” and other friendly greetings.

She’s said “Sorry, I know we were loud last night.”

And I’ve said “Yeah, makes the morning wake up call tough.”

And she’s gone about her business being perfectly normal until 11 or midnight or 1 a.m. or 2 a.m.

And I guess I get it. Her apartment is her apartment. And her kids are kids who stay on their gaming systems all night long not even bothering to think about sleep until she starts yelling at them to go to bed at whatever hour of the early morning it is. One time she yelled “Did you hear me?!” And I yelled back “I did.” And silence reigned supreme. Glorious.

But usually nothing works. They don’t care.

I’ve tried Ocean Waves and Thunderstorm to cover the noise. I’ve tried 80s and heavy metal to share the “I can hear you” wealth. I’ve woken up early and played my Pilates music full blast. I’ve prayed. Thrown shoes at the wall. Meditated.

And still they yell at each other all night long and I lose sleep.

I read this tweet thread about someone baking a cake and delivering it to a neighbor who had a party and it turning into a beautiful thing.

If I made a cake for my neighbors, they’d eat cake and yell about it at 1 a.m. waking me from dreamless slumber.

Apartment living has its perks. There’s the zero maintenance and zero budget for landscaping and the pool and the lack of a mortgage. But I’m not loving it right now as I prepare for my classes bleary-eyed and tired.

Maybe I’ll try the cake thing.

Whiny, sleepy post done. Over and out.

What I’m loving: The Daily Calm, DoTERRA On Guard, Night Writers, my pillow, LCHF, Mixtiles

What I’m Writing: So Much For Happily Ever After (53k now. YAY!)

Just Dance

My entire life I’ve wanted to dance.

Way back when I was a kid our school’s dance team was the best. Every girl I knew wanted to dance for them. The process to make the squad was brutal and the girls who did it worked their butts off all year long. A lot like dance teams today.

I didn’t know anything about dancing.

When I was little dancing wasn’t allowed. By the time I reached high school dancing was allowed but frowned on.

It didn’t matter, though, because even if I COULD have danced, I can’t. Dance. Not a bit. I have no rhythm. Elaine on Seinfeld’s a better dancer than me.

That didn’t stop me from trying.

Not that I would have been able to do anything with dance team if I could have danced. Their skirts were too short and that was very important to my elders back in the day. Funny the things that mattered back then.

Anyway, there’s no happy ending to that part of the story. I didn’t have some amazing Footloose moment and sock it to the religious patriarchy with their no-no-nos and dance my heart out under the Friday Night Lights. Like I said. Can’t dance.

Fortunately my late teens/early 20s were spent in the 80s when the ability to dance in the clubs on college night just meant you could jump around for hours and shout the words they wouldn’t play on the radio and do the Cotton Eyed Joe. I could Cotton Eyed Joe with the best of them. But that’s not real dancing. I mean not real dancing the way I did it.

Flash forward to a few years ago when I saw this new class at the Bill Bartley Y. Zumba. I love Zumba with every ounce of my being. I can’t dance, but I can Zumba. Everyone can Zumba.

I Zumba’d for the first time in a long time tonight.

I’ve been Sweating’ to the Oldies. Everyone can do that too, but, sorry Richard, it’s just not as fun.

I’m listening to Atomic Habits, and the author James Clear talks about announcing your intentions. About saying what you are going to do out loud even if you’re alone in a room. Giving voice to your intentions makes you far more likely to get them done.

So here I am. Announcing my intentions. I’m going to dance. I’m going to dance Zumba style. And who knows? Maybe one day I’ll find my rhythm.

What I’m Loving: Zumba, duh! Atomic Habits, Diet Dr Pepper, Dumplin‘, LCHF

What I’m Writing: So Much For Happily Ever After (hit 52k today!)

 

 

 

 

Focus On The New

Today’s Daily Calm worked so perfectly with what I’m reading in Atomic Habits. So often in the new year we focus on the old instead of the new. On what we’re going to fix instead of on the process we will incorporate to get what we want.

It’s interesting how often that message has been hammered home to his week. Last night Seguin scored, and after the game the reporter asked him about finally making that goal. He said he was going to continue his focus on the process and not the outcome. That’s important. He’s an elite level athlete and that focus is essential.

I want to bring the process focus to all areas of my life.

I love the Daily Calm app and meditation.

What I’m Loving: again, the DoTERRA On Guard mouthwash (for real, you should try it), Dallas Stars hockey, my writing group, The Daily Calm, holiday FaceTime dates with DD and granddaughter.

What I’m Writing: So Much for Happily Ever After

Breaks Are Easy

I love that winter break has so many days after Christmas this year. Before Christmas and right after things are always so busy. This extra time gives tons of space for rest and binge watching Beachfront Bargain Hunters. 😊

I’ve learned so much about me this year, some completely unexpected and not all of it what I wanted.

But that’s okay.

One of the most important things I’ve learned since starting meditation: tilting my lips up in a slight smile creates a positive physical response. For real. There’s this little ball of positivity that goes through my face and neck and settles in my chest. It’s so weird.

It’s easy to tilt my lips up when I’m mid-break. I know that. It will be interesting to see how it goes during the school year.

One thing I know for sure: I need meditation in my life.

What I’m reading: Atomic Habits

What I’m writing: So Much for Happily Ever After

What I’m loving: STILL DoTERRA On Guard mouthwash (no really! You should try it!), the Dallas Stars, HGTV, LCHF eating