Monthly Archives: April 2020

People are dumb

It’s not asking too much to ask you to wear a mask. To ask you to social distance. To ask you to give the curve time to flatten.

But no.

So I guess we’re going to do this thing and make it far worse than it had to be.

And when it’s over I’m definitely blaming every single right wing brainwashed fool I know.

This was preventable. But they couldn’t be bothered.

A 17-yr-old student with no underlying conditions died in Dallas today.

And these people can’t be bothered to wear a mask. God help us all.

Another Day

Walks help.

I knew that and I still didn’t do it for two weeks.

I started cleaning today. Most of my friends posted their cleanup photos back when this all started, but I was buried in yearbook. A week after I finished I decided to clean.

It doesn’t help my stress level, but it does help me feel better.

Someone I love posted a comment on my social media I had to delete. They said they weren’t wearing masks and called wearing one social psychosis. I figure if I google that I’ll find a million instances where propaganda outlets are posting those words. It’s just a shame. Facts don’t matter. Science doesn’t matter. 54,000 dead don’t matter. It’s unreal.

I listened to a book I loved. The Southern Book Club’s Guide to Slaying Vampires. Exactly what I needed to get through the rage I feel anytime i see people in large groups without masks.

This is such a weird time. I don’t know if I’ll read through these posts later, but if I do, I hope I read all the posts.

Last thing: a Houston TV station posted people can wear bananas as masks. They obviously meant bandanas. People are having fun with it, but I’m freaking out wondering about the mess ups that will be in this year’s yearbook. The reason I’m worried: when I saw the Houston mistake, I read BANDANA. I didn’t see the mistake. 😬🙀🙈

Day 5243

The President suggested injecting disinfectant to stop the virus today so there’s that. 😲

I planned on sending out applications to teacher recommended students when we got back to school after spring break.

I sent out the emails today.

I hope some will accept the challenge. And it will be a challenge! But it’s an important thing for us to do. It will be different, but we will still have a year to cover.

Today is the first day in forever I didn’t spend all day on my computer or phone reaching out to my students. I let them email me and responded instead. I can’t do that often but I needed to breathe today.

And I visited my parents for the first time in six weeks. I kept my mask on the whole time and was sanitized. I couldn’t stand being so close and not seeing them. Mom hugged me and I almost started crying because I know that wasn’t safe but she needed that hug and I did too.

I don’t want this to be our new normal.

Better Today

I do not do well without real people.

Online people aren’t real people.

I’m thankful DH is home most of the time!

I miss my students. I miss my friends. I miss sting hi to the ladies in the office and leaving for school early to go Starbucks and telling the barista to have a great day and telling the kids in the hall they’re showing too much love. I miss Wednesday duty days and saying “Good morning!” As the kids walk in the building.

I miss talking kids through lessons and helping them find the a-ha! moment.

I miss the rush of getting ready in the morning and mascara.

I hope I remember this feeling. When it’s back I hope I remember when it wasn’t. I never want to take it for granted again.

Dear Future Me

You don’t handle global pandemics well.

It’s okay to eat a donut.

It’s okay to watch hours of your new favorite show Schitt’s Creek.

It’s okay to not read because your brain can’t focus.

It’s okay to cry. And by sad and mad and mopey and self-centered. It’s okay.

Don’t beat yourself up over all that. It’s okay.

The yearbook is done

And that’s a relief.

Four editors plus a staffer with a computer. Plus a staff at home, some of whom helped with names and quotes and stories.

This year was crazy before COVID.

We had about 2/3s of the book to finalize after break. We left for spring break with a detailed plan. A whole staff plan. A 20 27” Macs, multiple cameras, whole school plan.

And it was going to take all of that because we were running behind, had been all year for a number of reasons.

Ha.

Lessons learned.

We’re done now. And I’m so proud of my kids who made it happen.

I never want to do a yearbook from home in the midst of a global pandemic again.

Expected But

Campuses are closed for the rest of the school year.

I knew that was coming. I agree with the governor’s decision. It’s the only right answer.

And still.

I can’t stop crying.

I can’t stop crying because I really love these kids and I can’t tell them. I can’t call on Teams and have a big mourning session for the end of the year.

I’ve learned I can’t write the words I want to say. Writing has always been the way I best communicate. But in a world where everything is in writing, I’ve lost my words.

I can’t hug the kids. I can’t fix this.

And we have to finish the yearbook.

My editors have worked so hard. Yearbook is fun at school. It’s not fun like this. It’s work with a purpose. It’s learning. But final deadline is not fun. It’s a necessity. And at school we get the payoff, the excitement, the other staffers, teacher support and kids support and admin support.

Now, these kids are doing all the hard without the payoff.

And it’s my job to fix that. It’s my job to find the fun. To figure out a way to celebrate and be a motivator and help them see the importance of what we do.

But I can’t because I can’t stop crying.

I don’t know how to do this.

I don’t want my beautiful editors to finish the year with a negative view of what we do. I don’t want to hurt them with my words. I want to build.

This really sucks.

That is all. Except

I miss school. This isn’t school. But it is what it has to be.

I miss peace and hope.

That’s gone too.

At least right now it is.

I was going to make some scones to eat my emotions, but the strawberries I planned on using are gone, so I can’t even do that.

I know I’ll get through this. I just wish I didn’t have to.

Teacher

At the end of first grade I asked my teacher for extra papers so I could play school. My stuffed animals and a couple friends and maybe my brother learned lots that summer. 🙋🏻‍♀️👏😁

I LOVED Mrs. Tagee. When I made it to Minnesota via Oklahoma and Arkansas I couldn’t read yet. Everyone else could. We had ability groups back then, and I was all alone.

Mrs. Tagee taught me to read, and she taught me to love school. Plenty of teachers after her did too.

I LOVE school. I love teaching. I firmly believe it’s my calling in life.

But this is different. And I don’t love it.

But I still love my kids.

We’ll get back to school. I don’t know when, but we will. I’m looking forward to when we do.

*****

It’s in the early hours of Good Friday. The day when it felt like all hope was lost. But as pastor Rick Thompson taught us: It’s Friday but Sunday’s coming.

Thank you, Lord, for that promise and that hope.

So Here We Are

When all this started I thought okay, two weeks, no problem.

And then I thought, okay, one month, no problem.

And now I’m like HOLY CRAP, how long is this going to go on?!

I miss everything.

I’m whiney today. I’m down in the dumps and feeling defeated about my classes, everything.

This is hard. It’s awful.

I’m just so upset because it was all so preventable. And I try to make the best out of it but nope. I keep coming back to that.

Ugh. This sucks.

I miss my students. My classroom. My colleagues. Reading for fun instead of escape, watching the news without crying, planning a lesson with excitement instead of with the question of whether kids will even look at it.

This is…ugh.

A Day

Brian’s in WF working. I’m at home working. It’s weird to not be together.

My dog is here with me, also weird. She usually goes to Grandma’s with Dad. But Tanner the puppy is too frisky right now for Emmie.

Time means everything and nothing right now. Everything because the closer we get to a vaccine and successful treatment of COVID-19, the closer we are to going back to school, to work, to life outside shutdown mode.

Nothing because with everything online I find myself looking up from work hours after it started even though it feels like minutes.

It’s a weird time.

I’m staying off the news for the most part so that is helping. I don’t want to see the numbers. That’s so weird. When all this started while we were on Spring Break, I checked the numbers every morning and night. Now I avoid them. I don’t want to know. I just want to stay safe in my tiny little space.