A Look Back

As I look back on this year I’m a little stunned at where I am today.

For two years I’d felt like I needed to move. It was dumb though. We’d just built a beautiful new house, I had an amazing staff of great kids with younger J students feeding into a wonderful program, my small group was the best ever, most of my family was near me. Moving was a crazy idea.

The job I loved was hard. It had always been tough, but ever since the move to an eight-period day I was exhausted. If someone had told me adding one 45-minute class to a packed day would make that big of a difference physically and psychologically, I would have told them they were nuts. 

But it did. Even though it helped my program with numbers it always felt like I was running, trying to catch up, trying to breathe. 

Maybe that’s where the push to move started. I’m not sure. I do know Brian and I started praying, and this year a friend told me she was getting out of the adviser world if I wanted to apply for her job. Brian and I prayed some more, and I decided to apply there and a couple other places.

When I didn’t hear anything from the applications, I accepted that Wichita Falls was where I belonged and focused on doing what I could and letting everything else go.

Then two schools called. 

I interviewed and we prayed some more. I almost didn’t interview but like Brian said, I could always turn schools down if they offered and we decided we didn’t want to move.

The entire process was WE focused. Moving would be a huge change for me AND Brian. And no way could we do any of it without God. Our small group helped too.

Leaving home was a huge risk and it hurt. I loved my kids, my school, our city and our people, the house with everything we wanted.

Moving still felt right. And there was a real peace in knowing I’d let go and let God,

Now four months in to the move it still feels right even though it isn’t easy. We come home often. Brian’s dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer, so he splits his time between our new home in Fort Worth and Wichita Falls. My mom ended up with MRSA and has spent almost six weeks in the hospital. Being new for the first time since 1994 is tough. We haven’t found a church. Apartment living is way different than I remember. 

And still the move was right. I’ve lost 50 pounds. I love my new school and Brian has so many great opportunities in Fort Worth. It’s kind of like we have this huge blank slate to write new stories on.

It’s still scary to start over. Four months isn’t enough time to change that. But now that we’re here at the end of this year of risks and change, I’m looking forward to what the next year will bring.

We’ve joined a gym in Fort Worth (that’s a first for We. I’ve always been a member of the Y and Brian mows lawns so no gym needed), I have a local RWA group (I swear I will be there this year!) and a critique group in Saginaw that meets on Tuesdays, I love my new school and we love Fort Worth. One of the things I have to change is how much time I spend on social media. I’ve deleted Facebook from my phone. (Good idea, Bill.) I plan on a Facebook fast for January. It won’t be easy, but I think I need a reset. 

Maybe taking Facebook out of my life will lead to more blogging. 😊

Looking forward I feel a little like I need to say may the odds be ever in your favor, but I don’t want to end this on a negative.

Instead I’ll say this: for me the lesson of this year is to truly let go and let God, to listen to that voice that says if you’re unhappy in your present you’re not in chains BUT changing places doesn’t mean changing the space in your head. You have to do that too. And all the time in the world doesn’t change how you use it unless you decide to actually change how you spend your time. Finally, dream big and chase those dreams. Social media and Netflix can really get in the way of that. 😉

Happy New Year’s Eve. 🎉

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2 responses to “A Look Back

  1. I will miss your updates but I agree. Taking a break from social media is something very good. And I have started moving away from my personal page and only doing the work FB page. I have found myself less stressed.
    I am so happy to read your update and wish you and Brian only the best!

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