I love the end of the year. It’s so interesting to look back at everything you’ve been through, to reflect on the good and bad choices and plan to do better. The new year, the blank slate, the unwritten words, the promise of it all, shines just there, barely in the distance, but I’m not ready for it yet.
I need to reflect first. Used to this blog was a great reflection piece. I could look back on the day to day pieces of life. But over the last few years Facebook has replaced the blog as my go-to for sharing.
Maybe that’s a bad thing, really. Maybe that Facebook oversharing is something I need to reflect on. I mean Facebook sharing is about 25% reality, 25% Hallmark and 50% funny memes. The 25% reality might be higher than the percentage actually is. In the olden days, the blog was a reflection piece. A chance to put down words and just try to get my mind to wrap around a problem whether it be an issue focused on diet, exercise, mom, writing, teaching, classroom, relationship, life, politics, whatever, the blog was a great sounding board. Me and the 10 or so people who checked out the blog every once in a while.
But then the blog exploded and the reflection stopped. I used the blog more as a sounding board for changes I wanted to see. It’s one thing to share with 10 or so people you know in real life. Quite another to share with 100s, sometimes 1000s, of people around the world. That sharing is scary sharing.
Now I’m back to the handful of people reading my blog, but I’m a savvy blogger, and I know the truth about blogs. If you put it out there for the world to see, sometimes the world sees it, and sometimes they respond, so choose reflection pieces wisely.
I always understood that truth on Facebook. Maybe that explains the whole 25/25/50 breakdown of posts.
Of course I’ve got to reflect on my relationship with food. Once again it controlled me. I know the truth there: diet and exercise not diet only. But God, it’s hard to exercise. It wasn’t always, and the truth of the matter is I actually LIKE exercise. I mean I’m never going to run…never…but I love the elliptical and Zumba is the best time ever, but by the time I drag myself home from work I don’t even want to cook or watch the news much less drag myself to the Y.
And that’s another thing to reflect on. I work too much. I guess everyone can say that, really. I try to tell my students to remember everyone is just as busy as you are. In teaching today that’s the God’s honest truth. I don’t know a teacher who’s not completely worn out. Used to I believed the maxim that if you love it, it won’t make you tired. Instead it will energize and excite you. That’s a lie. I love teaching. I love advising publications. I love working with my students. I’m sorry assed tired. Over a week into break, I should be ready to jump back in. The very thought leaves my nerves on edge. Of course Christmas Break isn’t really a break until now, so hopefully that changes. Reflecting on this didn’t help. The Hallmark part of Facebook includes those positive life memes that say if you focus on the good, only the good will answer. That’s total BS. What’s not BS is complaining without a solution solves nothing. So I need to find a solution. Part of tired is the bad diet and lack of movement, with of which I can control. It’s a vicious or victorious cycle, depending how I look at it. Kind of like life.
There’s so much more to reflect on. Living in the new house: awesome; being a grandparent: awesome but tough from such a long distance; planning for retirement: it’s still long enough away that the plan feels almost silly, but it won’t when the time comes and I’m ready; writing, it’s part of me, and I love it so I need to do more of it (see retirement above); Survivor, Best Season Ever; BBC series on PBS now streaming on Netflix or Amazon Prime, okay, I watch too much of these but they are so good! If you haven’t seen Grantchester yet, go watch it now! Same for Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries. And Reign! I thought it was a teen show. Nope. If’s fantastic. It’s not BBC, but it is streaming on Netflix, and it is superb; books: I bought a kindle and I read so much more now. Well worth the price. No more phone distractions.
Yep, it’s been a year.