Monthly Archives: June 2013

2012-2013 The Year of Change

For a regular blogger, this last year held a ton of distractions. It’s easy to see those distractions in my light number of posts.

From filling our empty nest with a teenager and a dog to building a house, it’s been quite the journey. My plan is to blog A LOT more from here on out.

If you follow my Mary Beth Lee profile on Facebook, you’ve seen these photos. If not, I hope you enjoy.

ON Graduation

ON came to live with us Spring Break 2012. She graduated June 1 this year! WOO HOO!!!!

Emmie

Emmie came to live with us last June. I love her like a baby. I’m serious. I’m a dog mom. She’s a rescue. She had a rough life before us. Now she has the easy life. It’s weird because I’d been a cat mom for 18 years and didn’t plan on having a dog. I ❤ Emmie.

Then there’s the house

The slab. We were so freaking excited.

The slab. We were so freaking excited.

Framing and all that good stuff

Framing and all that good stuff

:)

🙂

It was so cold, but we saw brick. We had to take a photo.

It was so cold, but we saw brick. We had to take a photo.

MY OFFICE!!!!

MY OFFICE!!!!

The front was done. It looked so close. LIES! THe outside is the easy part.

The front was done. It looked so close. LIES! THe outside is the easy part.

I just like this picture of DH looking at the frame for the sidewalks.

I just like this picture of DH looking at the frame for the sidewalks.

Garage door. This is so funny. We got the WRONG garage door, but we loved it. Cost us $1k, but it was worth it!

Garage door. This is so funny. We got the WRONG garage door, but we loved it. Cost us $1k, but it was worth it!

Yeah, we still think this is close to done.

Yeah, we still think this is close to done.

This doesn't look too far away, right?

This doesn’t look too far away, right?

:)

🙂

We're wondering if this will ever get done.

We’re wondering if this will ever get done.

with our builders

with our builders

what it looked like a week before that meeting with our builders.

what it looked like a week before that meeting with our builders.

holy cow we got the keys!

holy cow we got the keys!

AND the mortgage.

AND the mortgage.

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Fat Girl Hell and Getting Over It

IMG_2768My name is Mary Beth Lee, and I was born fat.

I’ve talked about my struggle with weight and food in the past. In fact, this blog started with several posts about my weight and weight loss and Weight Watchers back in 2005. Since then I’ve lost and gained hundreds of the same pounds. A little over a year ago I discovered low carb living, and life has changed a lot. My struggle with food addiction isn’t gone, but it’s not so ever present. I’m not skinny, and I never will be, but I’m healthy and I’m happy.

I love that I can shop in regular sizes…but I don’t have to. If I want the extra length, I can grab a loose 1X.

What I mourn now is how much I HATED, LOATHED and DESPISED my body for years. I remember going on the cabbage diet in high school because I’d crossed the line to a size 14. I lost weight and gained it right back plus 10 pounds. I can’t tell you how many times I heard, “you’d be so gorgeous if you lost a little weight.”

My stretch marks showed up about the same time my cycle started. I was far more mortified by those pink marks on my legs and breasts than I ever was at my period. I remember trying to eat one meal a day because my thighs were fat.

I started down the road to Fat Girl Hell early on, and it led me to a lot of self destruction, physically and emotionally.

I used my fat to hide. I used it for comfort. It was my identity even though I hated, despised and loathed it.

Today two things happened that brought this all back. One of my former students posted about a shirt  carried only in “fat girl” sizes and how much a person said they hated fat girls and fat girl only sizes and Huff Po carried a great story on plus sized models.

The fat girl comment hurt my former student’s feelings. I totally understand.

I can’t tell you how many “moos” or “can’t she just exercise?” or “with a little effort, you could do it” I heard over the years. If you’ve never struggled with weight, you have no clue how far from true all that is. There’s a reason the weight loss industry is booming, and it’s not because those of us who struggle need to exercise a little more.

The model story gave me hope that people are starting to see beauty in something more than weight.

Today I realized I don’t hate my body any more. I don’t despise it or loathe it. (Okay, I’m still really unhappy with my fat arms! If one more person tells me I inherited them from my Grandma Hagberg, I’m going to scream!) I’m not in the best shape ever, and I definitely need to get back into Zumba but NOT to lose weight. I need to get some cardio going for my health. Hearts need cardio. But I don’t have to be a 14 or 12 or 10 or 5.

I’m not going swimsuit shopping with a camera any time soon, but I’m cool with my curves. And all those people who told me I’d be beautiful if…well, I know they meant well. They weren’t being jerks on purpose. But they were being jerks, and they were feeding my self-loathing.

I’m going to end this with my words on Facebook today: Girls, love your bodies. It’s about health not inches. But I’m going to add one more thing: If you hate your bodies, it’s deeper than that. Don’t go there. Embrace who you are right now. In this moment. Regardless of the scale. Look in the mirror and say I am beautiful. And don’t let anyone tell you differently. Be cool with your curves.

*****

Current Liz Lee (steamy romance with heart) book Close to Home available on kindle!

Reading, Writing, NO ARITHMETIC

From my front flowerbed.

From my front flowerbed.

I love summer.

So far I’ve finished the Codex Alera series (OMG, sooooooo freaking amazing) and Dead Ever After (the last Sookie story–loved it!), read the first Santini novella (hot and fun, interesting concept and set in San Antonio), started Unmasked by Anya Karin (finally, I’ve had it on my kindle for months!) and Clockwork Angel (I know, I’m late to the party).

I’ve also done some deep copy editing on a friend’s novel and another friend’s memoir.  I  love deep copy editing others’ work. I wish I could work on my own work the same way!

AND I’ve fallen in love with the TV show Longmire. Holy cow, I love it so much! It’s like a BJ Daniels book all played out on the small screen.

What I haven’t done much of is write. DH asked me about that yesterday. I mean, we built this new house for my office (jk–sort of).

I told him I wasn’t going to feel bad for taking a week off after the school year. I love my job (see the bajillion posts written about that since 2005), but it takes a lot out of a person. I needed to regroup, get back into my creative place.

I’m there now. 🙂

Have I mentioned I love summer? Because I really, really do.

–MB

If you like contemporary romance, check out my latest Liz Lee Kindle title, Close to Home. It’s free for Amazon Prime members with Kindles.

War reporter Donovan “Tex” Nelson returns home looking for a way to escape the horrors of all he’s witnessed. He’s ready to find solace in the arms of a woman who understands the sanctity of the one night stand.

The last thing he expects is Kacie Jo Jenkins all grown up and ready to fulfill that request.

She’s his best friend’s little sister.
He’s her fantasy quest.

When the fantasy becomes real leaving Kacie Jo pregnant, everything changes. 

Everything except the nightmares that haunt Donovan.

She did it!

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Thank you, Lord.

 

 

 

I won’t go into the whole story. It doesn’t matter today. 

 

For now I’ll leave it with She Did It. ON graduated from high school. 

 

And now she’s headed to Vernon College. 

 

She’s a fighter. She rediscovered hope. 

 

It wouldn’t have been possible without her original counselor, Mrs. Susie Nix, Rider registrar Paula Moore, Rider counselor Jennifer Spurgers and Rider teacher Cleveland Wallerich, who connected with a hurt kid and helped her remember how much she loved school.

 

It wouldn’t have been possible without our small group and their prayers.

 

It wouldn’t have been possible without my sister, who’s reclaimed her own life in the same time.

 

Most of all, it wouldn’t have been possible without God, our partner every step of the way.

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