Monthly Archives: May 2009

Giving up.
Not giving up.
The choice is really that simple.
I got a rejection today on a book that had been out for a year. People who read it laugh and cry. It’s a personal journey book. A love story. A story of faith lost and faith found. It’s also rejected. Multiple times.
Part of me wants to rip the book up, see where I copped out on the emotions and see if I can’t make it better and maybe end up selling it. Part of me says I’ve moved on to something else, how much time have I already spent on that book. Part of me says how much time have I spent on ALL the other books.
Time I could’ve been watching The Real Housewives of New York….
I think about giving up.
Six years ago, dh asked me to give up. I cried. I couldn’t believe he didn’t see how important it was to me. But then I realized it wasn’t that at all. He saw how important it was to me, and he hated how much rejection bothered me.
Today’s rejection was the second this week, the fifth this month. And none of them bothered me.
The one today didn’t bother me at all, really, until I started writing this.
When I got a rejection from an agent I liked yesterday, I told him while fast forwarding through the commercials on Lost. I think he wanted to ask if I was okay, but he was afraid because I was taking it so well.
This month, he’s kind of gotten into my writing, complimenting my story board, helping me with magic and D&D and mythology.
And I’m having fun with these new stories that incorporate the supernatural and reality.
There’s no guarantee I’ll get published, but as long as I’m writing and submitting, there’s no guarantee I won’t.
I’m not giving up.


I accidentally bought fudge bars instead of icecream bars and I’m disappointed.
Dh asked what the difference was.
PROOF he doesn’t really get me at all sometimes!

I may not agree with what you say…

You know, I feel for Miss California. She was asked a question that required her to give her opinion. She gave her opinion. She wasn’t derogatory or inflammatory, she just said, no I don’t agree with gay marriage. And she’s been vilified by many ever since.
If they didn’t want an honest opinion about a hotly debated topic, they shouldn’t have asked.
I don’t like beauty pageants. I think they exemplify a lot of what is wrong with society today. We did away with class beauties in the yearbook because my students and I thought it was ridiculous to honor girls based on genetics. I think the same thing about pageants.
Still, I may not agree with what you say, but I’ll defend to the death the right for you to say it.
The first time I was told those words, I was worried about losing my job because we’d dared to cover teen pregnancy from the abortion, adoption and keeping the baby angles. It was 1994, and my town was #1 per ca pita in teen pregnancies. We had an adoption agency, the abortion clinic had recently shut and we had plenty of girls walking around ready to go into labor at any time. The girl who kept her baby that we did the story over actually went into labor in my friend’s English class. So we did the stories, and they were amazing, and 40 teachers in my building signed the paper, put it in my box and said covering the story would lead to more teen pregnancies.
My thoughts: ladies and gentleman, you need a biology class, and MAYBE that’s why we had the problem.
Anyway, one of the teachers who’d signed the paper was a mentor of mine. I was devastated, but I didn’t say a word. Three days later she retracted her name from the list and sent me a card with those words. She told me people thought they were by Voltaire but it wasn’t really from him. She told me she might not like the topic, but it was the school paper. The end.
A lesson the people in charge of Miss California need to learn.


Today ‘s message at church rubbed me the wrong way. I don’t know why. Maybe it was the Cal Thomas column read at the beginning that made me feel like women with lives outside the home were doing something evil. DH says he didn’t hear that at all. But I spent the whole service fuming that a man was standing there preaching about what a good woman should be. Maybe I was just channeling the guilt I’ve always felt over NOT being the room mother, soccer mom, interior decorator, theme party thrower, memory book maker mom. Those mothers don’t go to major business meetings without makeup because they FORGOT to put it on. I do. (or I did Saturday).
I didn’t give my daughter that kind of life. But I did teach her how to pursue a dream, how to work for what you want, how to help others, how to believe in something bigger than you, how to tolerate differences, how to know right from wrong,and that credit cards are evil.
I taught her to make sure you love your job so every morning you wake up excited for the challenges ahead instead of dreading them. So that your JOB is really your passion. I taught her to stand up for what she believes and to work to make the world a better place.
I didn’t teach her to cook, but she figured that out on her own. My sense of style is a lack of style, but she’s got a great sense of fashion. I didn’t teach her to write, but through her love of books, she developed a voice that makes me ask her all the time to please write books.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a housewife. It wasn’t something I had the opportunity to do, and now that those days are over, I can honestly say I don’t think I’d ever want that life. I’m not that person. And that doesn’t make me a bad mom or a bad wife.
I know the minister didn’t mean for me to take things the way I did. DH laughed and said it was a straight up First Baptist message. That right there’s why I don’t go to First Baptist.
Happy Mother’s Day!

Working, writing, Being Mom

I hate the “I suck” feeling. It sneaks up and smacks me upside he head every once in a while, and I want to ignore it, but sometimes it just won’t be ignored.
Today I had the I suck feeling about my work, my writing and being mom. Love it when the triumvirate of suckiness drags me into the depths of depression. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, I’m stuck living through it.
So tonight I’m going to work on my new story, no matter how sucky I feel about it. And I’m going to enjoy the weekend and forget about work. The sucky mom feeling won’t be able to go away until DD comes home for five days between school and her summer job, but I’ll push that to the back of my brain until I can deal with it rationally.
Fortunately there’s a great Shiraz in my fridge! 🙂

I love Starbucks

Always have. Always will. I don’t have a fancy favorite drink. I pretty much like whatever special is on the board for the day. I love the music and the way they know my name and the fun atmosphere and the fact that the caffee is strong enough to wake me up in the morning.
I don’t like the prices. So, I admit, I decided to try the cheaper McDonald’s coffee shop.
News today that McDonald’s is sinking more money into the coffee business. And maybe they’ll make it work, but my McDonald’s coffee experience so far has been pretty lousy. The mocha tastes like chocolate instead of coffee. Plain coffee is weak and tastes like McDonald’s. All it did was make me want Starbucks kind of like the fake iPhones make me want an iPhone more than ever.
McDonald’s can go forward with their coffee experiment, but I won’t be one of their customers. Sure Starbucks costs more, but it’s worth every penny.

1st drafts STINK!

Just read my Bite draft and I realize Fast Draft works for a lot of people, but MAN mine is total crap! GREAT ideas. Cool story under all the blah, blah, blah.
I’ve got a ton of work to do.
And I have a sore throat.
On a bright note, I have my photos of the main characters in new book:

Time to go torture Jeffrey and Leanne. THings are way too nice for them right now.

School’s closed and State UIL delay and why I didn’t check e-mail for a week!

story board for Out of the Darkness

story board for Out of the Darkness

Last first: I’ve spent more hours working on revisions for this story than I ever thought possible. I sent it off today and will send it again tomorrow. I’m not looking at it any more because every time I do,I change my mind about what I love and what I hate. I used my friend Karen Kelley’s “read aloud” method for one last pass through.
In other writing news:
I plan to have new novella submitted by the end of the week!

The elementary school behind our school is closed because a student tested positive for type A influenza and they can’t tell if it’s H1N1 or not. Another elementary will re-open tomorrow after the CDC said the flu there was just regular old every day flu.
Seems a little late to close schools once the flu is there, but I guess with little kids, it’s important to get everything completely clean.
Our UIL state tournament was pushed back to the end of May because of the flu scare.
Church wasn’t nearly as crowded as it normally is today. I figure the flu scare has something to do with that.
I spent $40 on cleaning supplies, anti-bacterial hand sanitizer and Kleenex because, yes, crazy or not, the whole flu scare thing has me a little nervous.
Two weeks of AP tests, yearbook week, State and finals, and the year’s done. Hopefully, we don’t end up closed down!