Tonight during tell stories about Mary Beth time Mama said she learned early on never to spank me when she was angry.
I laughed because boy, do I remember it differently.
Okay, so it was just once, but I don’t think I’ll ever forget Mary Beth and the Great Adventures of BandAid Woman.
I’m not real sure what my fascination was with BandAids. I remember begging my mom to buy the real kind not the sticky ones that hurt and I remember her saying no, they cost too much.
So when she came home with a giant box of the good kind, I was ecstatic.
Back then I had quite the imagination. Need a Gypsy Queen, I was your girl. A TV reporter? Yep, that was me. A monster? Whatever, you want me green or blue?
But a Super Hero? Never. And man, I wanted to be a Super Hero. Wonder Woman was all the rage. I wanted the plane, the lasso, the handcuffs. I wanted to be her little sister.
Those BandAids called me.
One minute, I stood there, Mary Beth Hagberg, 2nd grade nobody and the next…a GENIUS.
I grabbed the box and slowly, carefully covered every inch of my body.
I knew my mom would applaud my creativity.
Running into the living room, I waved my hands and ta-da-da-da-ta-da’d then planted my BandAid covered body in front of Young and the Restless yelling “Here’s BandAid Woman.” (Think Here’s Johnny)
I don’t remember ever seeing my mother move so fast.
One minute she was watching Victor holding Nicky hostage in a basement and the next she was running after me yelling “Mary Elizabeth Hagberg, you get back here right now.” She wasn’t applauding my creativity. I was in trouble. Deep trouble. Might be dead kind of trouble, and all those Band Aids covering my body? Yeah, completely worthless.
My response: RUNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!
My mom’s response: She chased me.
I did the only thing any self respecting super hero could do. I dove under my brand new pink canopy bed and prayed she’d get over her anger.
Nope. She picked up the bed.
And then, she spanked my bottom and with every swat she said: I. Told. You. To. Stay. Out. Of. The. BandAids!
Thus ended my reign as super hero.
I never tried that one again. 🙂
I did however think I was a Broadway star. My dad said he was thrilled the day he came home from work to find me, his 7-yr-old daughter, standing on the side of the road singing “VD is for Everybody” at the top of her lungs.
Man, the stories you hear at birthdays. Joy, joy.
You don’t remember the song: check it out:

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