Daily Archives: January 26, 2005

It was all a lie!

No you can not have it all.
And I’d like to say the lady who made me believe I could is a witch.
I’m a product of the 70s. My mom burned her bra. She brought home the bacon, fried it up in a pan and made my dad remember he was a man.
My entire life I’ve been taught the harder I work, the more I’ll accomplish. That my motivation will help others do their utmost best.
It’s all a lie.
I’m usually a happy-go-lucky type of person. I smile a lot. I find the lemonaid in my lemons. Life’s just better that way.
Well, I’m here to tell you. If you think you can be a woman and have IT all, you’d better pucker up because there ain’t no truth to that cliché.
Okay. That was a bit of comic relief, but the reality is I realized today I can’t have it all, and dammit, that hurts!
I thought I could. I kept working, kept revamping the schedules, planning the menus, working so that grocery day could be one time a week.
And guess what? It doesn’t matter. I guess it could matter if I moved grocery shopping to 2 a.m. Sunday mornings, but sleep is kind of essential.
Two years ago I led a panel of high school publication advisers on a “how to advise and have a life too.”
I was still living under the false assumption that was possible.
I don’t think it matters what the job is, I’ve just decided there’s no way to work full-time and do a good job, be a good mom, be a good wife and write everyday while I’m at it.
I finally broke tonight.
Will I be fixed tomorrow?
Maybe. But I won’t buy into the have IT all mentality.
Because I can’t have it all.
At least not every day.
Instead, I’ll settle for having some.
I’m not real sure how I’m going to balance the some, but I’ll figure it out.
I can’t stop writing. It’s a part of who I am. I won’t let mom and wife drop. And I just don’t think I can do a “sort of” job on advising. It’s too important to my kids and school to have good publications. I’ve obviously got some problems to work out.
When I’m done, maybe I’ll write a book and go on Oprah. It’ll be the kind of book she likes. No HEA. Just a woman who’s come to realize she’s human.